Where this sits in the pilot
Britt has just been fired from the fitness company she co-founded, over a leaked video from her stripping days, seconds after the boss decided her past was bad for the brand. She's escorted out. Her estranged father Joe — who she hasn't spoken to in years, and who dies the same day — leaves a rambling voicemail underneath the whole sequence that follows. None of this page's actual feeling is in his words. It's in what Britt does while he's talking.
Daniel and Helen exit, leaving Britt alone in the room. She starts to panic, pacing, sits hands flat on the table, breathing deep, fighting hard not to hyperventilate. We PRE-LAP a MAN’S VOICE, heavy and strong —
JOE (V.O.)
Hey, kid. It’s me. Dad. Recognize my voice? Been a while. I tried all day. Sure you’re busy at work.
(beat)
We’ve got a blackmail situation.
Britt regains her composure and rises from the chair.
INT. OFFICE – VALKYRIE FITNESS INC. – DAY
Britt crosses the room, glancing toward Sienna, who talks to Daniel. Britt heads back to her table where a security guard loads her items into a gym bag. Except for the company laptop, which Helen collects, moving off as Britt gets close.
JOE (V.O.)
Skeletons from your closet. Neither of us deserves gettin’ judged on who we were. Maybe I do. But you worked your ass off, kid.
EXT. SIDEWALK – FITNESS STUDIO – DAY
Britt is escorted from the building by the security guard. Through the big window nearby a fitness class is in session. Sienna leads the class, aggressively not looking at Britt.1
JOE (V.O.)
I’m gonna do my best to make this go away. Whatever happens you’re strong enough to roll with the punches. Sounds like those Valkyrie folks will have your back.
Britt looks through the glass at all the women beating the male torsos. Her reflection looks back at her. She moves on.2
INT. KITCHEN – BRITT’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Britt shoves Valkyrie branded merch in the garbage, manic.
JOE (V.O.)
Strength and dignity. Right? The world could use more of that.
(beat, emotion rising)
I miss you, Baby Gunn. Samantha does too. How about a call? Even if all you do is yell at me. I’d love to hear your voice.
Britt sags to the floor, exhausted and defeated.3 She’s got her cellphone in hand, selecting the 775 number, she redials.
- 1
Sienna's non-reaction is doing the same work a stated emotion would — "aggressively not looking" tells the reader exactly how uncomfortable this is for everyone in the room, including someone who isn't even named as a POV character here.
Visual Writing - 2
No line reads "Britt realizes she's lost the identity she built here." Instead: a window, a class she used to lead, and her own face superimposed on the women still inside it. The image does the recognition for her — the reader completes the thought the same way Sienna's students would if they looked up. Underneath it, Joe's voiceover is promising her the exact community the image is showing her losing, which the scene never points out either.
Visual Writing - 3
Three behaviors, no adjectives, one emotional arc: panic and composure at the office, manic disposal at home, then collapse to the floor. "Exhausted and defeated" is the only interior word on the whole page, and it lands as a description of a body's position, not a diagnosis of a feeling — the sagging already told the reader that.
Visual Writing
What this excerpt doesn't show
The call Britt makes at the end of this page connects to Joe, driving distracted with this same voicemail thread on his mind, moments before he's shot at an intersection — a different scene, doing a different job, kept out of this excerpt so the visual-writing throughline here doesn't get crowded by plot mechanics.
Read the whole thing
This excerpt is drawn from a 60-page pilot. The full logline, genre, and comps are on the original post — Spec TV Pilot: “Outlaw City” →
Related pages
- How to Write Visually Without Directing the Camera — the framework behind all three notes on this page.
- Outlaw City: The Drive, Annotated — a companion example of the same discipline applied to a silent reaction rather than a full sequence.
About the author
Jesse Alexander is a screenwriter, showrunner, and narrative designer whose work spans film, television, games, and transmedia storytelling. Scribbler’s Toolbox collects practical frameworks developed from professional story development and production.