Where this sits in the pilot
Word of the mayor's murder has reached three old associates from Dante's past — a bounty hunter, a repo woman who used to be married to the third one, and a veterinarian who used to be married to the second one. They're driving into Wellspring to pay their respects. Or so they say.
EXT. CITY LIMITS – WELLSPRING – NIGHT
The neon outlaw statue looms, colorful lights flashing, black hat tilted low over his furrowed brow and sneering smile. His massive six-guns are moving, flashing, pointing at the town.
Three cars pass below. A dirty and dented black Ford sedan that had been a police car. Followed by a silver eighties era Mercedes four-door. And a white Mazda Miata.
INT. BLACK FORD SEDAN – DRIVING – NIGHT
HEAVY METAL loud on the STEREO. Behind the wheel is — NERO, fifties, bald, a heavy-set bounty hunter. His “vintage” leather jacket has the WB’s Tasmanian Devil on the back.1
INT. SILVER MERCEDES SEDAN – DRIVING – NIGHT
COOL JAZZ on the quadraphonic SPEAKERS. Behind the wheel is — CALLIE, fifties, a repo woman. Bomber jacket, black jeans.2
INT. WHITE MIATA – DRIVING – NIGHT
MODERN COUNTRY twangs on the AM RADIO. Behind the wheel is — DR. BEVERLY “BEV” PFLASTER, fifties, sweater, a veterinarian. He enjoys having the top down, hair blowing in the wind.3
EXT. ENTRANCE – FIRE & BRIMSTONE – WELLSPRING – NIGHT
Nero waits near the entrance as a valet drives off with his car. He fidgets with the zipper on his Taz jacket, looking for — Callie and Bev approach from opposite directions. They meet and head for Nero, talking —
BEV
Nice drive with the top down. You missed out.
CALLIE
My ass don’t do Miata. And I need my Mingus. So that’s two strikes.
BEV
Jazz and Country are similar.
CALLIE
(on the phone)
The fuck, Bev? That’s like sayin’ the KKK and Black Lives Matter could share a stage.
BEV
Why you gotta be so tough?
CALLIE
Because I’m your ex-wife!
They join up with Nero.
NERO
Too good for the valet?
CALLIE
I’m savin’ the paper.
BEV
Mine’s pointin’ the quick way to the interstate. Just in case Dante’s in no mood to reminisce.
INT. LOBBY – FIRE & BRIMSTONE – NIGHT
Nero, Callie, and Bev pass through the security check point. Looking at each other sheepishly as they turn in their guns, knives, and cellphones. An eclectic mix of cheap hardware.
TIME CUT TO:
Nero, Callie, and Bev regard the establishment in action.
CALLIE
Even through all that cheap perfume, I smell Dante’s bullshit.4
- 1
Heavy metal, bald, heavy-set, a cartoon devil stitched on a jacket he calls “vintage” without irony. Nero’s entire introduction is four sensory facts and zero psychology, and he still reads as a complete person before he says a word — because every fact points the same direction.
Distinct Character Voice - 2
Cool jazz on a quadraphonic system, a repo woman in a bomber jacket — one register removed from Nero's blunt force, all attitude and control. Then she opens her mouth two lines later and the KKK/Black Lives Matter line lands like a live wire. The car tells you she's composed. The dialogue tells you composed isn't the same as calm.
Distinct Character Voice - 3
A veterinarian in a sweater, modern country on the AM dial, top down, enjoying the wind — the softest image of the three by a wide margin. His one line of dialogue in this excerpt is the most quietly self-preserving of anyone's: his convertible is already aimed at the highway. Gentle and scared aren't opposites here, they're the same choice.
Distinct Character Voice - 4
Three voices that never once talk over or resemble each other — bluntness, controlled venom, gentle wariness — arrive at the same suspicion in the same breath. The line lands as a group verdict precisely because we've just spent a page hearing how differently each of them would phrase it.
Distinct Character Voice
What this excerpt doesn’t show
This page introduces the trio; it doesn't cash in their want yet. A few pages later, over steak dinners, Nero says the quiet part out loud — he doesn't care why the mayor died, only how his death can be turned into six million dollars in recovered cash. That's a different beat with a different job, kept out of this excerpt so the voice work here isn't crowded by it.
Read the whole thing
This excerpt is drawn from a 60-page pilot. The full logline, genre, and comps are on the original post — Spec TV Pilot: “Outlaw City” →
Related pages
- How to Create a Distinct Character Voice — the six controls (agenda, worldview, rhythm, lexicon, disclosure, pressure) behind every note on this page.
About the author
Jesse Alexander is a screenwriter, showrunner, and narrative designer whose work spans film, television, games, and transmedia storytelling. Scribbler’s Toolbox collects practical frameworks developed from professional story development and production.