Why this excerpt runs long
Most excerpts in this collection are a single scene. This one is a sequence — gunpoint confrontation, a sniper shot, a Tac Team breach, a prisoner handoff that turns into an ambush, a car chase, and the quiet aftermath in the woods — because the technique being demonstrated needs the length. It's easy to keep two voices distinct across a calm dialogue scene. It's harder to do it across ten pages where the plot won't stop moving. Susan and Frankie never once sound like each other here, and neither does what they want.
INT. LIVING ROOM – SUSAN’S HOUSE – DAY
The sound of the KEY in the LOCK. The door swings open and Susan enters the house where she’s lived all her life. The decorations and furniture belonged to her deceased parents. Susan puts her bag down and starts down the hallway only to have — Frankie step from a room in front of her, unhinged.
FRANKIE
Reunion time.
Susan spins in terror and runs back for her bag, scooping it off the table without stopping. Frankie’s chasing her down. Susan fumbles to pull her gun from the bag, gets it out and turns to face Frankie. But Frankie just yanks the gun from Susan’s hand, and points it right back at her.
Susan stares down the barrel of her own gun, frozen in fear. Frankie’s finger is not on the trigger, but her face is filled with anger, eyes glistening.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
When you found the code, why didn’t you come to me?
SUSAN
Warn the traitor?
FRANKIE
I’m not a traitor.
SUSAN
You betrayed your country.
FRANKIE
Patriotism? That’s your defense for not confronting me?1
SUSAN
Put the gun down, Frankie. Please.
FRANKIE
Relax. It won’t go off unintentionally.2
SUSAN
At the Black Site, did you kill anyone?
BLEEP. BLOOP. BLEEP. The women hear the sounds of an ELECTRONIC GAME. Susan looks over to find ARCHIE CAMPBELL sitting on her couch, playing a NINTENDO SWITCH. The President’s Son still wears that Cuddle Bug costume.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Archie? Are you okay?
FRANKIE
Why wouldn’t he be?
SUSAN
You kidnapped him.
FRANKIE
I rescued him.
SUSAN
What?
FRANKIE
There is a Russian Sleeper Cell operating inside the beltway. They’re using optogenetic therapy to brainwash kids. Turning them into spies.
Susan can’t stifle a nervous guffaw.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
Think I’m crazy? Look at his eyes.
Susan approaches Archie, sees his eyes are heterochromic.
SUSAN
Archie, can you hear me?
Archie ignores her, keeps playing his game, in a trance.
FRANKIE
He’s still primed for debriefing. But he’s been out of the chair for a while so it should wear off soon.
Susan turns back to ask Frankie a question, only to find the gun still pointed at her. Frankie pulls that USB stick from her pocket with her free-hand, offering it to Susan.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
This is everything I could get before the drives were fragged.
Frankie waves the gun and Susan reluctantly takes the USB.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
They use kids because their frontostriatal lobe is still growing. Makes it easier to trick the brain into a passive state of autobiographical observation. They remember everything they see and hear. Archie’s more reliable than a microphone in the Oval Office. After debriefing, the encrypted recordings go to Moscow.
SUSAN
How do you know all of this?
FRANKIE
The numbers told me.
SUSAN
The numbers? What numbers?
FRANKIE
When you take Archie back, the President will trust you. I’ll be in contact.
SUSAN
I thought you wanted to kill me.
FRANKIE
Why would I want to do that?
SUSAN
Eli…
FRANKIE
Eli’s not dead. You were set up. We both were. To cover their tracks.
SUSAN
They?
FRANKIE
The Russians. The Sleeper Cell. Haven’t you been listening to me?
SUSAN
You’re insane. Just like he was.
FRANKIE
Dad wasn’t crazy.
SUSAN
So he was just a liar? With two families? Only a crazy person would betray the people who love them.
Before Frankie can respond, Susan notices a tiny red dot moving on Frankie’s head — a laser designator. Susan acts instinctively, tackling Frankie just as PLINK, a BULLET pierces the window, STRIKING the opposite wall.
From the floor, Frankie and Susan regard the bullet hole. It’s unclear if they’re more shocked by it, or the fact that Susan just saved Frankie’s life.3 Before they can discuss —
CRASH! The WINDOWS of the house SHATTER inward. Taylor and his CIA Tac Team swing into the room via fast ropes. Frankie spins toward them with her gun, but Taylor SHOOTS her with a round from a TASER SHOTGUN, knocking her back to the floor. Frankie quivers and jerks, neutralized. The rest of the Tacs move quickly, securing her with restraints.
When the action kicked off, Susan dove to protect Archie. She’s covering him on the couch, face to face, watching as his heterochromic eyes return to normal. The kid’s dazed —
ARCHIE
Where’s my pepperoni?
Susan gets off of Archie and a Tac takes him from the house.
TAYLOR
(into COMMS)
Firecracker is secure.
Susan watches as Frankie, dazed, is hoisted to her feet, zip-tied at the ankles, hands bound behind her back, muzzle cinched over her mouth. The Tac Team carries Frankie from the apartment. Taylor hangs back with Susan —
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Did she hurt you?
Susan confronts Taylor, shoving him back, furious.
SUSAN
Did Griffin tell you to use me as bait? Or was it your idea?
TAYLOR
You did. You told us Cutthroat would be coming for you. It was our best chance at getting Archie back. You’re alive. Cutthroat’s back in custody. Take the win and move on.
Taylor exits, leaving Susan alone in the trashed living room. She looks around at the mess, picks something off of the floor. Susan regards the USB stick that Frankie gave to her.
EXT. SUSAN’S HOUSE – KENSINGTON, MD – DAY
Susan exits after Taylor.
SUSAN
Taylor!
Taylor turns back to find Susan offering him the USB stick.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Frankie said it’s data from the Pizza room. The Russians were interrogating Archie. They hypnotized him. Somehow.
Taylor regards Susan like she’s nuts, takes the USB stick.
TAYLOR
What else did she tell you?
Susan sees Frankie, in custody, they lock eyes. Frankie’s tries to shake her head in a warning. Susan asks Taylor —
SUSAN
Was it you? Did you take the shot?
TAYLOR
What shot?
SUSAN
The sniper. Before you came in.
TAYLOR
Nobody took a shot. We didn’t bring overwatch.
Taylor and Susan watch a pair of Black Suburbans arrive. Archie is loaded into one of them and it drives off. The Secret Service detail from Davinci’s Pizza exit the other Suburban and move to take Frankie away from the Tac Team. Taylor goes to intervene, with Susan following, confused.
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Hey! That’s my prisoner!
SECRET SERICE
It’s a Secret Service case. Under Presidential authority we have right of first interrogation.
SUSAN
Taylor, that’s not a thing.
SECRET SERVICE
Take it up with your Director.
Taylor dials his cellphone. Susan moves toward the Secret Service Agents as they load Frankie into their Suburban.
SUSAN
Where are you taking her?
The Secret Service Agents block Susan and load-up Frankie.
TAYLOR
(into cellphone)
Put me through to Director Griffin.
(beat)
Then find him!
Susan watches, conflicted, as the Suburban drives away.
INT. TRANSPORT SUBURBAN – DRIVING – INTERSTATE – CONTINUOUS
Frankie is in the back seat, secured between two Agents. Beside the Driver, the hardass Agent rides up front, he turns back toward Frankie and punches her in the face, she reels.
SECRET SERVICE
Nobody gets one over on the Secret Service.
The Driver looks over and we recognize him as — Carlo Draeger from the Black Site attack. WTF is he doing here? Carlo pulls a PISTOL and SHOOTS hardass Agent, then pivots to SHOOT the Agents flanking Frankie. She recoils, wondering if she’s next. But Carlo returns his hands to the wheel and keeps on driving. Frankie scans for a method of escape.
EXT. WAREHOUSE – INDUSTRIAL AREA – MARYLAND – DAY
An abandoned work site. A small group of men stand around a pair of dark sedans. It’s Eli Prescott and his Mercs. They watch the black Suburban approaching, Carlo at the wheel.
INT. TRANSPORT SUBURBAN – DRIVING – INDUSTRIAL AREA – DAY
Carlo stops the Suburban and exits, leaving Frankie alone with the dead Agents as he walks toward Eli. Frankie contorts her body, bringing her legs up so she can move her zip tied hands to the front. She uses friction to weaken the zip ties. Constantly looking toward Carlo and Eli. She doubles her speed as Carlo starts back to the Suburban.
Frankie is just getting free when Carlo opens the side door, she reaches for the gun of the dead Agent. Carlo FIRES a warning SHOT and Frankie puts up her hands. She climbs out of the Suburban, facing Carlo. His gun is trained on her as —
WHAM! Carlo is hit by a car and knocked clear. Frankie is shocked to see Susan behind the wheel and shouting —
SUSAN
Get in!
Frankie dives into the car through the open passenger window.
INT. SUSAN’S SEDAN – DRIVING – INDUSTRIAL AREA – CONTINUOUS
Susan accelerates, skidding the car in a U-turn. As they slide, Frankie and Susan look out the side window at Eli. Susan’s eyes are wide in disbelief. Frankie flips him off.
INT. SUSAN'S SEDAN – DRIVING – INDUSTRIAL AREA – DAY
Susan drives in a panic. Frankie looks behind them.
SUSAN
Why isn’t he dead? I shot him.
FRANKIE
Tell me you brought your gun.
SUSAN
I didn’t think I’d need it.
FRANKIE
Then what was your plan?
SUSAN
I didn’t have one. I’m not like you. The Secret Service doesn’t have a legal right to —
FRANKIE
Legal advice? That’s what —
SLAM! The women are jostled forward as the Dark Sedan rams their car from behind.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
Go faster!
SUSAN
I’m sixty in a forty five!4
FRANKIE
If you don’t they’re gonna run us off the road!
Frankie moves her foot atop Susan’s, mashing the gas pedal. The sedan speeds-up. Susan grips the wheel, freaking out.
SUSAN
Too fast! Too fast!
The women see a line of red brake lights ahead of them. Traffic is completely backed-up, there’s nowhere to go. Susan shrieks as Frankie grabs the wheel and steers to the left.
EXT. SUSAN'S SEDAN – DRIVING – ONCOMING LANE – DAY
The car threads the needle between a wave of oncoming cars to reach the opposite breakdown lane, maintaining full speed.
INT. SUSAN'S SEDAN – DRIVING – BREAKDOWN LANE – DAY
Susan and Frankie glance right, looking through the opposing traffic to see the Dark Sedan, still matching their pace.
FRANKIE
There! Get off!
Susan steers them off the interstate, down an on-ramp. Frankie lifts her foot off Susan’s and the car decelerates. But they’re still going way too fast to make the corner.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
Brakes!
Susan stomps on the brake pedal.
INT. SUSAN'S SEDAN – DRIVING – FRONTAGE ROAD – DAY
Susan drives fast. Frankie glances behind. All clear.
SUSAN
Now where?
FRANKIE
Is this a company car?
SUSAN
Yes.
Susan watches Frankie start disassembling the dashboard.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
What are you doing?
FRANKIE
If it’s government issue. There’s a tracking device.
SUSAN
Is the government chasing us?
Susan looks in the rearview to see the Dark Sedan.
FRANKIE
Get us off the road!
The car swerves off the pavement and into the trees, fighting through the woods until it bounces back out onto a paved road, and stops at the side of it. Susan clambers out and hurries over to the shoulder — to be sick.
Frankie moves over to get behind the wheel. She glances to see Susan is bent over in the woods. Frankie turns on the RADIO and tunes to a dead station, hears only STATIC. Susan gets into the car beside her, still shocked and depleted.
FRANKIE (CONT’D)
Did you really think I was guilty?
SUSAN
Why wouldn’t I? Your backdoor code was loaded into every federal system.
FRANKIE
It was my code. But I didn’t put it there. Eli did.
SUSAN
How could I have known that?
FRANKIE
By asking me.
Frankie puts the car in gear and resumes driving.
SUSAN
I didn’t even know you.
FRANKIE
You saw what you wanted to see.
SUSAN
Why run if you were innocent?
FRANKIE
I wasn’t running away! I was coming to protect you!
SUSAN
What?! Why?
FRANKIE
Why did you save me from a sniper? Like it or not Susan, we’re family.5
SUSAN
Don’t say that.
FRANKIE
I didn’t betray you. Our father did. He betrayed both of us.
- 1
“Warn the traitor?” meets “That’s your defense for not confronting me?” — two people who each think the other one is the unreasonable party, both with a coherent case. Susan wants the situation resolved through the system she believes in. Frankie wants to be asked, not judged. Neither is wrong, which is the whole engine of the scene.
Character Relationships and Opposing Wants - 2
Frankie’s threat is delivered as reassurance — “Relax” — which is a colder line than an actual threat would be. Susan says “please.” Neither woman raises her voice on this page. The contrast in register, not volume, is what keeps them from blurring into one generic hostage-scene voice.
Distinct Character Voice - 3
Susan tackles Frankie out of the path of a sniper’s bullet with zero setup dialogue about changing her mind — the choice is made physically, before either of them (or the audience) has processed that her allegiance just shifted. It’s the pivot point of the whole relationship, staged as a reflex instead of a speech.
Character Relationships and Opposing Wants - 4
Under identical mortal danger, Frankie issues one-word commands (“Go faster!” “Brakes!”) while Susan reports her own speedometer like she’s filling out an incident form. It’s the same joke as the gunpoint scene’s register gap, now running at highway speed — proof the voices hold up under a completely different kind of pressure.
Distinct Character Voice - 5
The chase ends and the argument doesn’t — it just changes shape, from “are you guilty” to “why did you save me,” which is the real question underneath the whole scene. Their wants were never actually opposed; they were both trying to protect the same relationship in ways the other one couldn’t recognize as protection.
Character Relationships and Opposing Wants
What this excerpt doesn’t show
This sequence resolves the sisters' immediate conflict but not the season's — Anatoly, the retired Catalyst team, and the full scope of the Russian sleeper cell operation are waiting in the pages right after this excerpt ends. That's the pilot's actual ending, and it belongs to a reader discovering it in order, not to a craft excerpt.
Read the whole thing
This excerpt is drawn from a 60-page pilot. The full logline, genre, and comps are on the original post — Spec TV Pilot: “Catalyst” →
Related pages
- How to Create a Distinct Character Voice — the framework behind notes 2 and 4.
- Character Relationships and Opposing Wants: How to Write Conflict Between Characters — the framework behind notes 1, 3, and 5.
About the author
Jesse Alexander is a screenwriter, showrunner, and narrative designer whose work spans film, television, games, and transmedia storytelling. Scribbler’s Toolbox collects practical frameworks developed from professional story development and production.